I hate end of year retrospectives

So here is my retrospective for 2018, focused on activities (in red for quick perusal) and purchases (in green) which added to my joy bucket:

I volunteered one day a week for AARP Tax Aid program. I was able to employ some of my skills and knowledge (including ad lib silliness and ability to fake a pleasant and nonjudgmental demeanor) It expanded my contacts with random others and heartened me to see other Americans fulfilling a citizenship responsibility with more grace and acceptance than our current tax structure deserves.

My boyfriend and I took a jaunt to Astoria in February for two nights. This annual gathering of Coots http://www.coots.org/ includes one event I always enjoy: the kick-off lunch, wherein an unknowable in advance dozen or so folks gather to share camaraderie and much humor and wit. Then THEY enjoy a tour of the Columbia River Maritime Museum and I spend the day enjoying Astoria's quirks, ambiance, and coffee shops. This has been fun for both of us three years in a row so, rinse and repeat.

In March I took a friend's suggestion (amazingly) and took a class on Zentangle. More classes followed.  This watered my creative garden (long neglected) and gave me much pleasure. Note to self: DO this on your own, silly.

I unfroze my Audible account at $14.95/mo to enable spur of the moment (just because I want to, and it is unavailable through the library now) carbon free book acquisition. I love listening to books. And there is no sane argument why I would squeeze my budget down by this amount for “fiscal prudency”. I have that in abundance, and a dearth of readily attained joys. So There!

I boosted my charitable giving and financial support of pro democracy. Unlike in the past, where I only gave to deductible organizations, I widened it to fund the increased need on the political side to defend fairness, equity, and threatened values. This act does not actually supply joy, so much as it acts as a matching grant against the daily assaults which fill my anger and despair bucket (I acquired a much larger one in Nov. 2016).

I met a fellow tree lover in his role as an arborist. I have two glorious maple trees on the south side of my very shallow yard. They provide visual delight, blessed shade, and roof cooling. I love these guys. I called a tree removal company to assess if these friends are or will be uprooting my house foundation. I would mind that. He said the potential damage could be mitigated, and for my likely 20 more years in the only house I have ever loved, they can continue to throw shade and beauty at me. Also, we agreed that green moss is awesome.

I found Zumba. It brought joy, but alas, also pain. The only aerobic activity I have been able to do for extended periods is a) scheduled - so I will do it and b) dancing to music. When Jazzercise was available on a suspended floor I could participate. Without that kind of floor, I'm screwed from the soles of my feet to my hips. Note to self: keep looking for that magic combo.

And finally, two purchases that still bring daily joy: Less than $10 shoes laces that do not self untie, and a less than $900 carpet in my "cat room" to replace the much abused one with one designed to shrug off pet interactions (plus it is cushy and a lovely soft brown which delights me every time I go to change the litter box).

Thermal challenges

Don't get me started on Global Warming. In addition to being the dominant threat to all life on earth, it will make my personal comfort both more expensive (in dollars and carbon) and less possible (I can't fix outside to my preferences - and almost all humanity is unknowingly grateful for this.). But this time of year, thoughts turn toward improving the comfort of the few friends who visit my house.

Actually, they are uncomfortable in my house year round, as my thermostat is set to 68 degrees in the summer, and 60 degrees in the winter; I just have less chance of thinking about them being too chilly when I am too warm at 68. That meager comfort (for me) temperature range is all I have to work with. However, I can offer warming technology to my visitors. Here are my offerings in order of ascending carbon cost:

A reminder to wear more clothing when visiting
Extra coats, gloves, hats and lap robes
The comfort of a hot water bottle (slight delay in results)
An electric heating pad that lives on my couch which will toast you right up
My amazing Bed Jet https://bedjet.com/ system (if we have a close enough relationship)

Off the menu: either additional heating, or reduced cooling of entire house.

I use all of the above when I am chilly. This occurs daily during the cold season at about 9 am and lasts for a few hours. This condition would be very welcome at bed time, as that is when my off the charts self warming capabilities kick into high gear. I get to actually enjoy that feeling of snug warmth in a bed jet heated bed for a nap with my cat at this time of day. As I generally wake between 1 and 3 am (Why oh why?), I am often dozy at this hour. However, even in a 60 degree room, wearing a skimpy cotton night gown, covered by only light cotton covers, I must employ the cooling function of the bed jet so that I do not awake in a puddle.

If my life were not so replete with choice, comfort, and ease this trial would make the angels weep for me. But I am sure they do not so weep, if they in fact ARE.

PS: Actually (if they exist) they ARE weeping for me. I just googled: how much to lower heat at night and got an in depth analysis at https://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/columns/straight-dope/article/13039881/straight-dope-does-setting-the-heat-lower-at-night-really. This has convinced me to go down to 54 overnight, with no concern that I will fail to raise it again when I get up.

PPS: Guaranteed side effect: increased feline apparent affection.

PPPS: I had a programmable thermostat which lost it's mind periodically, necessitating a tedious reprogramming ritual that annoyed this near Luddite.

Boxing Day and other oddities

My favorite day of the year (Boxing) and least favorite (New Year's) arrive cheek by jowl. I do not have any particular activities planned today, just a deep sigh of relief that Xmas is now a year away. 

And to me the NEW YEAR means only a few real things: 

A new calendar featuring one of my favorite rodents or another endearing critter (see Note 1)
Starting at $0 on every medical insurance deductible in my safely net
Almost nothing of interest will be open on this holiday dominated by 2 stupid activities (see Note 2)
Gyms and weight loss meetings become (briefly) zealously crowded - OK, that hasn't mattered to me for years now
Bakeries become (briefly) lightly and/or guiltily frequented   
Another year we will likely suffer under Individual 1 without a break or blessed surcease

Everything else seems either contrived or non-existent. Thus I get no thrill out of a new year (except the fresh calendar, of course) and a fair amount of annoyance. However, if it is not too inclement I plan to observe folks in town participating in a "polar plunge" in the Willamette river. I caught this event a few years ago by accident and was transfixed by the level of enthusiasm to suffer, the will to be silly, and a palpable sense of goodwill. It raised my spirits quite a bit for a measurable time span! (see Note 3) Not bad for a stupid holiday in the dead of winter (see Note 4)

Note 1: My 2018 Calendar pictured above from "MegaCalendars"
Note 2: Hangover recovery and televised bowl games
Note 3: 2019 Polar Plunge is scheduled for 02/09/2019. Dang
Note 4: I will have to self-raise my spirits 01/01/2019 by practicing "2019" for the rare manual checks I will still write.

Xmas Overload

I thought I was holding my own against the avalanche of seasonal madness. But, alas, the manic traffic, ever heftier ad section of the newspaper, and folks sharing with me their frightening YET TO DO lists, took it’s inevitable toll.

I am fresh out of equanimity let alone goodwill toward men, et al. I can opt out of most of this except getting asked by strangers everywhere I go (to acquire sustenance items only) some version of: are you ready for Christmas? have you done all your shopping? do you have plans to visit family? etc. To which my honest (and unvoiced) responses are yes (please let it be over soon), yes (as I no longer do that) and no (they are all dead or emotionally distant). I even had to respond to my emotionally distant brother that (as he should know by now) I have no lavish or even meager special plans for the holiday.

I do however plan to have Christmas dinner with my boyfriend. In celebration of our weekly $12 Tuesdays at Papa Murphy’s we will share a take (and add an entire onion and other embellishments) and bake pizza. We will stream some dark and/or silly TV, and drive the cat crazy with the elusive red laser dot.

………And to all, a good night.

How I was prescient about Facebook

About fifteen years ago I reluctantly opened a Facebook account in order to know what some of my friends were up to. A close group of us (5) regularly lunched together, but that became more and more difficult to schedule. When we did meet, goings on that had been shared on FB were news to me! So, reluctantly I signed up. (Critical note: having no children or grandchildren to keep up with, FB was entirely optional for me.)

I rapidly became annoyed by the level of banal responses to postings on postings on postings from friends of friends of strangers, yada yada yada. Within this barrage of chafe there were a few seeds that were of interest to me. But as I am a thorough-going minimalist in nearly every way, I was unequal to maintaining my sanity in that storm.

In addition to the affront to my preference for curated incoming data, was an instinct that FB was THE EVIL EMPIRE. I was not prescient enough to know exactly how it was evil, but surely it WAS evil. And so it has proven to be. It is a blight on our national conversation, and even worse than that in countries where it’s the dominant access point to the internet. In addition, it has proven to be a tremendous time suck and distraction generator for many folks who choose to (or must) respond whenever it calls. I see all those bowed heads, faces illuminated by flickering light “connecting” with someone via FB while sitting across from a live person. Surely this in not an enhancement to real connections with others.

I do not have a solution for more social folks than I (nearly everyone, it seems), nor for folks with must-follow family and friends who share their lives on this platform. But I am serenely and smugly satisfied with the “just say no solution” for me. 

I Bake my First Pie

In my early teens I began my unimpressive culinary explorations with desserts. Mom encouraged me to try a few easy dinners (in the same spirit in which she encouraged me to drive: so she could do less of it). I made a passable Spanish rice. But I excelled at cookies, no bake Rice Crispy bars and brownies (cook what you love!). The only available cookbook was a 1960’s edition of Joy of Cooking.

If you are familiar with this grimoire you know that it seduces you with an apparently brief recipe which on closer examination is found to be a compendium of imbedded sub recipes. Daunting on a good day.

For some reason, lost to time and my eroding memory, I decided to bake a pie one day. To my knowledge, my mom had never baked a pie, but that did not register as boding ill for such an endeavor. I scoured J of C for a pie recipe for which all ingredients were on hand. Bingo: Lemon Chiffon!

So, carefully following the imbedded recipes, I embarked. Before Mom got home from her unpaid “job” spent knitting and talking at a downtown knit shop, I had a finished pie of which I was quite proud.

When mom got home she goggled at the pie, and asked where THAT came from. I told her I had baked it!  She said (and I recall THIS indelibly) “but those are hard”! In complete ignorance I replied “they are?”

That was my first experience of having success at something when I relied on instincts and uniformed optimism. In many subsequent first-time endeavors this was repeated: what I have not over-thunk goes better than post thunk. This was also my last pie. In the pithy words of my Dad: “I have done that twice now - the first time and the last time”. I retired from pie baking with an unblemished record of success.

Poem to the Emperor

I fell in love with penguins

Who choose an improbable ecosystem

In this way Emperors rule

Below Antarctic Circle

In addition to bitter cold, howling wind

Half the year spent in darkness

A desperate egg hand[1] off

Mom feet to dad feet over the deadly cold

Then mom will fatten on fish

Dads with an egg or egg less

Create a slow stirring circular huddle

Icy edge to warm center
  

Moms ludicrous[2] to chow line

Found where ice sheet edge meets nearly frozen sea

Mom plunges in at zoom[3] speed

Dads abide in cold and dark,

Brave many months of devotional famine

Survival focused on egg

Moms gorge for the journey back

Packing on pounds which emphasize her ovalness

And enable her whee[4] speed

The chick crèche calls out sweetly

Returning adults find one chick from within

The haunting soft trumpet cloud

The iconic Emperor

Photo of tiny chick on parental feet

Feathering toward his fledge

---

[1]  Technically it is a foot and beak off

[2]  Ludicrous is first gear, that classic waddle

[3]  Zoom is third gear, water based

[4]  Whee is second gear, breast stroke on down sloped ice

Blogging for Equanimity

As November draws to a close, I am gearing up to maintain a degree of equanimity about the CHRISTMAS SEASON. I put that in all caps, as it becomes the background beat even before we pick the turkey. Last October I was shopping in a local home improvement store (Jerry’s) and discovered Christmas décor in full display. Oy

Here is what I enjoy about the season:

Rainy stormy weather leading to cozy in-home enjoyments

Christmas lights and décor, even (or especially) including folks who go beyond all out
A very small number of Christmas songs, and only on my terms

Christian observation of the birth of Jesus – in their homes, churches, etc.

My screen saver for December (pictured here)

Good deals on warm slippers (now I am just reaching)

Here is what has in years past eroded my equanimity:

The silly fight over “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” or get stuffed

Claims of Christian suppression and governmental hostility (ahem: tax exemption)

A frenzied focus on shopping, parties, running around frantically to do everything

Annual opportunity to feel my disconnect about the “giving season”

That last one has legs for me. I am resistant to scheduled gift events. I prefer to be generous when feeling so. The expected reciprocity of gift exchange makes me quite uncomfortable. My family history with this is deep and old. So a major portion of my seasonal angst is quite specific to me. I am going to work to keep that tamped down when in the presence of those enjoying things I simply do not. It will help if in my presence you don’t bemoan perfectly normal weather for December.

Black Friday

I don’t like to watch election night results real time; I wait until the following morning when I am as ready as I will ever be to face the new reality. As a left leaner in a blue city in a blue state I was not prepared for the gut punch that was the election of Trump in November 2016. From the first second of his presidential run (which I could only assume would be taken as the joke it was), until Wed. morning following the election, I could not fathom how anyone took him seriously. My theory at the time was that his followers were no longer capable of discerning what policies were in their best economic interests (my take on non- wealthy folks supporting the dumpster fire that the Republican Party has morphed into).  But to fall for such obvious hucksterism was beyond understanding. My second theory was that some folks were so angry with economic and social changes and so distrustful that any vote would lead to what they wanted, that they decided to throw the ugliest available wrench into the works: Trump. That made (misguided) sense which turned out to be VERY effective.

Later I learned that lots of folks held their noses and voted for the Republican candidate (whoever the fuck it was) to get at least one more conservative Supreme Court judge (the seat stolen by the scruples free Mitch McConnell and his minions). Also, should they continue to hold the Senate, they could pack the lower courts with more judges who saw corporations as America’s primary constituency because that was what our founders had in mind. (I could not disagree more)

So, in addition to Trump’s election which was an existential threat to our democracy, continued support for Republicans in Congress sealed the suicide pack for this country.

Too strong?  We will see. Will we be able to restore a working political system for the majority of Americans, and regain some respect from the rest of humanity? Will voters comprehend the dark forces that they have unleashed? Will we be able to overcome the current capture of representation by a minority of the population? And most critically, will we be able to reclaim our original organizing principle: Government by and FOR THE PEOPLE?

So, although I have always voted my values, it became crystal clear that was inadequate to today’s crisis. Politically awakened, I increased my support of charities supporting families in need and added support to the RESISTANCE. Here are my new support commitments in the political arena: ACLU, Protect Democracy.Org, and Equal Justice Initiative

Wow, impressive use of the checkbook! (That was sarcasm) I am still trying to find a local resistance group to work with. I do not find myself impressive in this fight, but I have not retired from it yet.  

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."George Carlin

Hey You!

I am not simply blogging for my sanity. I am also blogging for Mother Earth. This is how I think my blog might help: I am going to address my concerns to hypothetical readers who may give little thought to what many believe are urgent threats to our climate. My mental image of this reader is someone with eyes closed, fingers in ears and chanting “la la la” to ensure that distressing information does not get in. I SO understand this urge to focus only on the good things in life and the things that seem to be within one’s power to fix. But I am insuffiently medicated and therapized to allow me this choice.

My therapist expressed concern that I am trying to get folks to join me in the 

IT IS HOPELESS AND I AM FULL OF DESPAIR CLUB. 

Not at all. I wish I did not occasionally attend this club’s meetings. I want mankind to rally to save our spaceship (Planet Earth) from the impacts of our population explosion, resource consumption, and environmental harm.

I will endeavor to be informative, compassionate, and humorous (either intentionally or inadvertently) because I want to add to the many voices of rational and focused concern. Fingers crossed!

 I have one share in corporate Earth, and I am nervous about the management. -E.B. White

Glorious Autumn

Western Oregon has been enjoying our most amazing of falls: cool sunny days, cold nights, and slow motion wardrobe changes by trees and bushes. Our summer stressed lawns perk up, preparing to remain green all winter. We are running short on rainfall this season, with a dry warm winter predicted. These have become more common. As a full blown Oregonian (born and deep soaked here) I love our wet winters. For me, water is life. I could happily return to earth as an Oregon coast bog plant. Be assured I am aware that life requires insolation (sun beating down on my head) but I relax in and feel cared for by cool dampness.

I spent about 6 years on the front range of the Rockies in Colorado. There the best of seasons (spring and autumn) were fleeting, while the cold and hot extremes were interminable. But most missed (perhaps only by me) was the comforting sound of tires swishing on rainy pavement. On the few occasions when this occurred I was gripped by a physical pang of yearning.

I submit this contradiction in my choices: while preferring to live in the most clement of locations (according to my preferences), I am irresistibly drawn to Earth’s least clement location: Antarctica. I have been twice to this otherworldly continent, once approaching from the tip of South America in an ice strengthened ship, and then from Tasmania on an ice breaker. The first expedition included South Georgia Island and the Falklands, and visited the archipelago of Antarctica which arcs toward Terra del Fuego. This trip afforded amazing icebergs and encounters with seven penguin species.  The ice breaker was needed to approach the Ross Sea to encounter Emperors. This took us through ice pack, near 

glaciers and ice sheets. 

I cannot possible articulate the wonder of this place. But I can explain my fascination with life in the coldest, driest, windiest place on earth: What was evolution up to? As a possible location to set up house, this continent seems to lack basic survivability.  But nature is quirky that way. There is bacteria that lives on methane and sulfur in scalding water vented at the bottom of the ocean. So in comparison, huddling with a crowd of fellow Emperors in the long dark winter at the bottom of the world waiting for your mate to return from a long journey to get fat, so that you can take your turn seems fairly doable.

Not for me mind you. I’m a complete comfort junkie.

Changing Things

There are so many things in the world, my country and my heart I want changed. The only likely way I can make worldwide changes is to act on a local and personal scale. Today I will discuss one of my footprint reduction choices. I am not telling you this as “virtue signaling” because it is unlikely I will get to feel smug in your presence. Rather I want to share the ways I lessen my harmful impact on Mother Earth to reinforce my commitments and to (perhaps) encourage others to make changes too. Here is the article I read in Slate that really sparked this line of thought:

Reducing Your Carbon Footprint Still Matters  

The earth is a closed system water wise. We cannot economically and environmentally create more clean water (existing water can be cleaned at a cost in energy inputs).  So, I like to envision the earth’s clean water supply like a motor home fresh water tank. I used to kid my mother about how she could take a shower in their moho with a cup of water. And of course, it is possible to refill an empty moho water tank from the hose at home, a state park, etc. But the earth cannot do same. So, I conserve water very consciously. I am currently fortunate to live where increasingly frequent and serious water shortfalls have not YET required this action. But why wait? The water I squander could be trucked to a nearby need. Also, making changes voluntarily is resulting in a change in me along the lines of “Be the change you want to see.”

So, I wash my hands in tap water (cool to cold, I don’t care): turning it on to briefly wet them, off while I scrub with soap, and then on to rinse. I use diluted dish soap as it rinses quickly. Disclaimer: I do not have much up close interaction with many possibly sick folk and rarely get sick myself. I will resist the temptation to discuss an over focus on germs. Your results may vary.

I have cut the time in the shower too. First, I use a bucket to capture the water it takes to get to shower temperature. In the dry season I water plants with this. In the wet season I use it to rinse the bath after my shower (while being open to better uses). I use a use liquid soap on a wash cloth to soap first my northern hemisphere, and then southern. During this process I enjoy the warm water down my back. Then I shampoo and rinse. A final rinse of the nether region with the shower wand, and all clean. There are local public hot tubs where I can sate my craving for a lazy submersion in warm water.

Two years ago I replaced my small front yard with an Eco Lawn Fleur de Lawn Blanche  which needs no fertilizer or weed killer, less water, and less frequent mowing. Also it is more wildlife friendly, including bees!

Must stop now. If I ever gain a reader’s attention, tedium will surly lose it.  Be well, be green.

An Obituary for Life on Earth

This opinion piece will never be published by any mainstream source.  It is too bleak in the suggestion that it is already over for us on earth. [PLEASE let me be spectacularly wrong.]  I have chosen the haiku three line format as a discipline to condense what could become a non-stop howl of despair.  Disclaimer:  Traditional haiku is an appreciation of something in nature.  These haiku are angry obituaries for our biosphere.

This play’s final scene

Was written unwittingly

Farce and tragedy

Our worn life raft leaks

Every next indulgence sows

Unjust tomorrows

Choose what is easy

Grab profits without a care

Spread all losses

Our frail life raft leaks

Full of thoughtless tiny holes

Stop drilling to bail

More people plus less

Water and arable land

Yields world wide hunger

No overflow rooms

No emergency air lifts

A closed system globe

While it survives complete destruction planet earth will continue to evolve as it always has. Humans may go extinct (along with nearly all other forms of life) but our planet will likely still exist for untold eons, perhaps even long enough and fortuitously enough to create life anew. I grieve for the loss of our beautiful and hospitable Eden of a life raft.

What Haunts Me

On most days my top existential concern is for Spaceship Earth. It is the tiny fragile container of all life in our corner of a vast universe. Many refer to it as Mother Earth, encompassing the concepts of birth, nurturance and devotion. My global concerns fall under the all inclusive topic: Life on Earth. I see action against global warming (or climate change for those confused by the varied and multitudinous impacts of warming) as not only critical, but urgent for continued life on earth.

We have squandered irretrievable decades since the impacts of carbon emissions on our atmosphere (hence climate) were identified and quantified by climatologists. Had we (the world, but especially the largest contributors to atmosphere degradation) begun then reducing carbon based economic activity, not only would the transition have been easier and cheaper, it would have lowered this threat to earth over the decades we actively increased it heedlessly.

Here is a pithy sign seen at the 2017 Paris climate talks:

            “You can’t have a strong economy without a fucking planet” Author Unknown

I belabor this due to our unwillingness to consider this reality: Life as enjoyed in the richest economies is unsustainable and becomes exponentially less sustainable as population increases and demand for these comforts widens. At the same time as demand increases, essential inputs such as fresh water, readily available minerals, arable land, and livable acreage of our spaceship decrease.

A friend read an earlier version of this post and suggested that the outline/ lecture style was not as immediate, readable and compelling as just writing about it in the way I think about it. However, I have no intention of simply writing a stream of opinions, prejudices and fears as they bubble up to awareness. Goddess knows we have enough of that on line.

Rather I am writing for my sanity and I hope to spark increased awareness and concern if read by another. My sanity requires that I am real about my level of existential dread, hopelessness and anger. But equally critical to my sanity is humor, whimsy, cat videos, the wit of others, and as a real sanity boost: agreement that this is reality, not simply a wallow in despair. Laughter elicited by silliness, whimsy, and dark humor all sustain my sanity. And I unapologetically consider myself a very funny depressed sort of person. All my friends and some acquaintances agree.

Here is one of my favorite quotes:

 “Coffee can help you live longer, unfortunately.” Author Unknown

An Experiment in Staying Awake

I am struggling to stay awake. Both ACTUALLY awake and spiritually awake. I cannot pinpoint the moment in time when earth's climate trajectory became a personal concern. Many years ago, certainly. But it became a looming peril in my imagination immediately following November 8, 2016.

I am not going to focus on politics, per se, but as someone once quipped: everything is political. I have been a regular voter, who until recently did not feel entirely powerless. Feeling powerless and fearful is a particularly deadly combination for me.

A personal blog will not increase my power. But it will allow my voice to reach the webiverse. I do not plan to count visits, hits, likes, responses, or any other attempt to quantify the reach of my voice, as I am going to ASSume I have been heard!

I write to put my swirling mass of anxiety and dread onto a page that might help me stay awake and more willing to be alive. If someone else benefits from this activity: frosting.