This did not happen. I have edited it for brevity, retaining my favorite parts (as the blog editor).
This did not happen, but it COULD have:
By Alexandra Petri, Columnist for The Washington Post
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| Our very stable genius |
President Sauli Niinisto!
Thank you for visiting the United States and President Donald J. Trump
on the 100th anniversary of U.S.-Finland diplomatic relations. Can you
spare a minute of your time to tell us what you thought so we can
improve the experience for future visitors?
Please rate your visit on a scale from 1 to 5 stars.
3 stars
What were some highlights of your stay?
I
enjoyed the museums very much. I visited several, and they were all
well lit, clean and informative. I liked that they were free, just like
the population is under democracy.
I do not think that either of those things should change. If possible, keep both aspects.
I
also enjoyed the chairs. I sat on a chair that was large and bright
yellow, with arms, and although the arms did not provide as much
protection of my personal space as I had hoped and I briefly suffered a
surprise touch upon the knee, it was not the
chair’s fault.
Do you have any feedback as to how your stay could be improved?
Well,
I have to say, I would perhaps have done certain things slightly
differently. For instance, it was clear that President Trump had many
things he wanted to get off his chest, primarily about someone named
Adam Schiff, but also about the governor of California? I found this
unseemly emotional outburst off-putting. I would not have asked him to
stand there while I had an emotional outburst.
I
do not understand why it was necessary for me to sit there silently
like an Artek daybed (although even when they are silent, Artek daybeds
make statements). He kept yelling about a perfect conversation, but if
it was anything like the conversation we had, I would say it was not
perfect. A perfect conversation, to us in Finland, is one in which the
freedom of the press is respected and people do not shout, say
inaccurate things about the European Union and give the press mean
nicknames. We reserve this kind of saltiness for our licorice.
Also,
I would say, it is embarrassing for a leader to hector his press and
call them fake. It makes him look bad, and it is uncomfortable. It
seemed as though this was the kind of thing you would want to save for
later, when you were alone, after you were not trying to impress people
anymore. Indeed, I started to wonder: Does he know that I am here? I am
just sitting here like the "J" in “fjord”: I am there, but nobody thinks about me. I began to feel that I
had blended into the chair, but then he placed his hand on my knee, so I
knew I had not been forgotten.
In
Finland, we are proud of our free press. The United States, too, should
be proud. They should not let this man insult one of the things that
should be a source of national pride. Does he do this to Tiffany lamps
and the Grand Canyon?
I
kept thinking, should I say something? Then the president yelled at a
reporter for not directing his question to me, but when he did direct
the question to me, the president interrupted and made it difficult for
me to answer. On the whole, it was confusing.
I
would say in the future, if the purpose of the visit is that you will
be unexpectedly called upon to defend the European Union as an
institution and then sit very still while the president does some
personal yelling, you should specify this more clearly on the invitation
so that a leader can decide for themself whether it is worth it to
visit.
How likely are you to recommend the United States to a friend or colleague?
Not very.
Is there any other feedback you would like to leave?
I would like to tell Donald Trump to go to Helsinki.
