New favorite Slate columnist

As a lifelong childless person (who never ONCE seriously considered parenthood as a goal), I am strangely drawn to podcasts and articles about parenting. A new one was just introduced on Slate that is funny in the dark way I so enjoy. Here are two recent quotes:

"Parenting them [babies] is a bit like being the dictator of a small, poorly functioning country."

" Before the baby, you’re a vessel to be cherished and protected. After the baby, you’re a lactation-oriented baby accessory".

The author is Emily Oster and her contributions in the service of getting real about the joys of all things pregnancy and parenting are enlightening and entertaining (at least to the entirely uninitiated).

I admit that I cannot possibly fully appreciate the truth in any of her amusing characterizations, but I do possess a stable genius* for absorbing the full impact of the literate snark.

*Urban Dictionary: stable genius

What unstable cretins claim to be. See also, dotard.

The president, despite evidence to the contrary, tweeted confirmation that he is in fact a stable genius.

**UD makes clear that this does not apply to someone as stable and un-cretin-like as moi.

Any post for a laugh

Another, panty-threatening hearty laugh at this HEADLINE:

The Slatest

Trump Hauls Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey to the Oval Office, Wants to Know Why He Doesn’t Have More Twitter Followers

 

I am reluctant to read further lest my hilarity subside. [Could the reason be that he's tedious?]

I did read further.  No additional yuks. You have been warned.

Hopey changey redux

This may surprise my reader(s), but I have been a tad shy of hope that we can change our environmental and societal trajectory. True! However, about 17 weeks ago I inexplicably awoke with a desire to quit actively wooing diabetes (as if that would be an expedient and painless way to "shuffle off this mortal coil"). So, without vowing to try for an extended old age, I simply started making my present more livable FOR ME. Results to date have been surprising:

My energy level is up, perhaps due to less gravitational pull, and better fuel.
Because of that my activity level has increased from a few notches above sloth, to middle aged cat.
Because of that my mood has lifted.
Because of that I am willing to consider that there may be a coming RESET for the world.

I do wonder if the folks (world wide) who are voting from fear of past and present changes to their society have grasped the truly horrific possible future where climate change drives MORE displacement (reduced food supplies, rising sea level, etc.) and the guaranteed human response to this: conflict, terrorism, political tyranny, and of course, war. The folks who have made a perilous bid for a livable future who are presenting at the borders of better economies (US, Europe, eg.) will look like a trickle compared to what will come as their part of the world becomes LESS hospitable to life. WAKE up and smell the danger!

Ok, that took a dark turn. Sorry.

Here is what sparked the fragile hope in my breast this morning:

https://theintercept.com/2019/04/17/green-new-deal-short-film-alexandria-ocasio-cortez/

So, although this young woman who has burst on our scene with too much energy, determination, and demand for change (so say many, as Individual 1 would tweet if he was literate), I decided to watch this to give her a chance to buoy my outlook. And she did. My wish for my reader(s) is that they can imagine that fundamental changes to our society could be as positively transformative as continuing on our current trajectory will be negatively transformative. Change IS happening, pick your desired flavor!

I was going to find a free online photo with a baby being cherished, and then remembered I had a good one on hand.

I vow to quit dissing the weather forecaster

Forecasting the weather at the western edge of the lower 48 is more difficult than more easterly locations: what the ocean dominated atmosphere will deliver is known as did deliver just hours or days east of us, making those predictions less variance prone. Also, there is this bit of statistical and comparative data provided by a likely honest (if not entirely unbiased) meteorologist:

https://www.theweathernetwork.com/us/videos/gallery/see-how-meteorologists-stack-up-against-these-professions-for-accuracy-/sharevideo/6025601819001/most_popular

I enjoyed his selection of "other professionals". What about psychics?

MUTTS comic by Patrick McDonnell in Register Guard 4/13/2012

Ok, I have officially lost it

Karma

Just checking the Slate.com site for the latest on what is being destroyed, threatened, debased, co-opted, etc in this, these devolving times. And I find something which absolutely qualifies, yet my reaction was panty risking laughter. OMG. Talk about evilly diabolical. There is apparently no bottom to that well with Individual 1.

Empty your bladder, and see if this takes you too over the edge:
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/04/white-house-trump-stephen-miller-ice-bus-undocumented-immigrant-sanctuary-cities.html?via=homepage_taps_top 

I make a lousy criminal

I screwed up

Today I had to come clean about a low effort "scam" I have perpetrated against the Register Guard. In a fit of pique at the increased subscription fee last November and the deteriorating content [since the paper was sold to some money grubbing, talent firing, band of  corporate yobs who skipped grammar in school] I cancelled my subscription rather than pay their ransom for tawdry goods. My subscription ended Nov. 23rd 2018. I have received a paper every day since, with only two skips I certainly could not call to complain about.

But this morning, for some reason, I knew the jig was up. Elton (my dad) would absolutely have cut off the service, but would he have been complicit in theft by letting them give it away? Why was it a theft I could stomach until, oddly, this morning?

Maybe because on Wed. I ordered a 6 qt instant pot from Amazon because it was a very good price. It arrived yesterday, and first thing, I read the entire user's manual. This amazing appliance offers users more ways to self injure (if not burn the house down) than I am entirely comfortable with. Plus, I hardly ever cook, and I doubted making it riskier was going to goose up the urge. So, I returned the $70 device, accepted a $14 penalty (restocking fee? splurge fine? stupidity tax?). I am thinking as I type this, that it was looking at myself with clarity and as little judgement as possible, that made the decision easy: that technology was not me.

From there, I woke from my petty vendetta against a company that delivers a paper I still want to read. Theft, even passive scamming is also not me. And there are compensations for the deproved Guard: I get a frisson of superiority and contempt to balance the sad collection of comics, the cluttered typos, and the loss of Eugene-based professional reporting and editorials.

I wrote an email to the subscription department confessing my transgression and requesting back billing and a new subscription. They were confused, then amazed, and unfailingly gracious. Also deeply puzzled as they had timely informed my carrier of said subscription's demise. Hence, it was not as I surmised incompetent billing practices but a "gift" from my carrier. I do hope that my willingness to pay for those ill gotten dailies will forestall any punishment upon my 98.5% reliable* and generous carrier.

I am back to living according to my scruples!


* Calculation: 19 weeks (133 papers), 131 delivered for a 98.5% reliability rate.
I have a friend who never cancelled, and has had much less reliable delivery.

My April Fool's cat

On May 26 2001 I adopted a young kitten (6-8 weeks old) from the local shelter. The prior day I had put down my very first adulthood cat, Miss Kitters. She did not actually do very much, except sit around with her tongue hanging out, taking points of her apparent IQ. Nevertheless, I got accustomed to not living alone, and I did not want to spend one more night cat-less.

When I walked into the cattery, there was a bank of smallish cages, mostly empty. But one, at my
shoulder level contained the cutest black and white female with wide, crazy eyes. When I opened the cage to see if I could pet her, she stepped out onto my shoulder and started purring. That was that. And it was already obvious to me that her birthday must have been April 1.

She was bold, curious, and at times maddening. This happens every time I get a young cat (3 times so far): they are impossibly cute and cuddly, but I forget the coming mischief. Also, I tend to forget how sharp their tiny teeth and claws are, and how readily they are deployed. High Tops (so named as her paws were white a way up, like high top sneakers) climbed EVERYTHING -  especially me. As a result I looked as if I had picked a bushel of blackberries naked (just scratched, not dyed). When she started climbing the inside of lamp shades, I knew something had to be done. It was, and while I am sad about it, here was my calculus: I will give her a great life as an inside cat and this I can only do if she does not destroy my nest. (Miss Kitters remained fully armed and had destroyed the backs of my upholstered furniture, as cats do.)

High Tops (HT) never held a grudge. She was left alone at times for several days with an automatic feeder and plenty of water, she was left at home and periodically tended by friends during longer trips, and was regularly taken to the V E T, where she charmed every one. In some ways she was like a dog: friendly and lacking feline type malice. She even tolerated two major affronts: ..................to be detailed in future posts.

I REALLY want my reader(s) to want to read my posts. Lengthy pet posts can threaten this desired  outcome. But you have been warned: I have more to say on this topic!

I only know a few things about golf

Many folks golf for pleasure (lovely outdoor activity), many for challenge (a slightly ludicrous endeavor to chase a tiny ball around a large area with a few small holes in the attempt to put said ball in each hole, I mean, really?), and a few, evidently, to take credit for skills they don't have to feed their voracious egos. Which type do you think Individual 1 is?

We all could guess. But were we prepared for the entire truth? Have we ever been?

The most salient point from an excerpt of a new book https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/03/donald-trump-cheats-golf-rick-reilly-commander-in-cheat.html?via=homepage_recirc_engaged. is this line:“To say ‘Donald Trump cheats’ is like saying ‘Michael Phelps swims,’” writes Rick Reilly in the book.

At the end of this short book spoiler is an example of Olympic level cheating which only the most delightful golfing partner should be able to pull off. How on earth does this fucking moronic asshole secure partners for golf, not to mention life?

(Here is the most unlikely free web photo on the topic "golfing" found by a quick google)